Showing posts with label HCE Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HCE Humour. Show all posts

Friday, 8 January 2016

Strange Horse Laws



If you are thinking of buying a horse - then BEWARE you have just entered the crazy world of horse laws. Take care not to violate these barmy sanctions because you will look rather foolish telling the old lags you have been put behind bars for any of these offences.

In New York City, it is illegal to open or close an umbrella in the presence of a horse.


It is illegal to fish from horseback in Washington D.C, Colorado, and Utah.


Tennessee prohibits riders from lassoing fish.


A British law states that an Englishman must not sell a horse to a Scotsman.


Horses are required to wear hats in hot weather in Rasario, Argentina.


A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.


In Guernee, Illinois, it is illegal for women weighing more than 200 pounds to ride horses in shorts.


In Kentucky, it is illegal for a woman to appear in a bathing suit on a highway unless she is: escorted by at least two police officers; armed with a club; or lighter than 90 pounds or heavier than 200 pounds. The ordinance also specifically exempts female horses from such restrictions.


In London, England, law required taxi drivers to carry a bale of hay on top of their caps to feed their horses. The law was in force until 1976.


In Arizona, it is illegal for cowboys to walk through a hotel lobby wearing their spurs.


In Raton, New Mexico, it is illegal for a woman to ride horseback down a public street with a kimono on.


In South Carolina, it is legal for adult males to discharge firearms when approaching an intersection in a non-horse vehicle to warn oncoming horse traffic.

A misworded ordinance in Wolf Point, Montana: "No horse shall be allowed in public without its owner wearing a halter."


In South Carolina, no horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.


In Omega, New Mexico, every woman must "be found to be wearing a corset" when riding a horse in public! A doctor is required to inspect each woman to make sure that she is complying with the law.


Pennsylvania law states: ``Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.''

In Hartsville, Illinois, you can be arrested for riding an ugly horse.


In the state of Queensland, Australia, it is still constitutional law that all pubs (hotel/bar) must have a railing outside for patrons to tie up their horse.


Pattonsburg, Missouri, Revised Ordinances, 1884: "No person shall hallo, shout, bawl, scream, use profane language, dance, sing, whoop, quarrel, or make any unusual noise or sound in such manner as to disturb a horse."


Abilene, Kansas, City Ordinance 349 declares: "Any person who shall in the city of Abilene shoot at a horse with any concealed or unconcealed bean snapper or like article, shall upon conviction, be fined."


Marshalltown, Iowa, it is against the law for a horse to eat a fire hydrant.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

2013 Gold Cup Winner Is? A Daft Whiner

The Cheltenham Gold Cup. What a race? Pure class. However, I just can't help but tamper with things. So each year I love to have a little bit of fun with the anagram name generator. You know the kind of thing, it turns a normal everyday name into something akin to verbal abuse. I really should know better by now but I just can't help myself. For starters, I had a difficult decision to make. I chose to exclude offensive words! I'm sure I've missed a trick with my ethical standing. I bet there have been times when you wanted to go up to a trainer after their horse had run like a three-legged pig and say: ''Did you realise that Coy Sully Unit is a....(You Silly....Bleeeeeeeeeeeep)? Obviously I would never - normally - dream of doing such a thing but idol curiosity has got the better of me. Remember the obscenity button has been muffled in fear of legal action. So what does the anagram name generator make of this year's race?  I'm interpreting the generated words with a little poetic justice. It's a well-meaning spanner.      


Monday, 13 February 2012

Spamhead...

Nothing much happening on the racing front. I have to go into town and buy a Valentine's Day card which will get to the intended ? sometime this year, but not tomorrow. Sounds mysterious, hey. I'm sure if Columbo was on the case he could work out who ravished Mrs Plum, in  the bedroom, after buying a card and box of chocolates. I always struggled with Cluedo and Columbo. I know one uses a board and dice while the other wears a mack. 


Humour. That's what we need. I receive lots of spam. Generally, it is filtered out so most goes by without consideration, thrown into the imaginary bin. However, in its own way, some of the comments are quite funny. Here is a selection just to make all those who spamheads realise that sometimes it pays dividends.



''You know i dont usual comment, but i genuinely like your blog and i thought i would introduce myself. I have been reading it for awhile but this is my 1st comment.''


''Hello, i read your site, this a best site from me, thanks!''


''Wow! This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs We have ever arrive across on this subject. Actually Great. I am also an expert in this topic therefore I can understand your hard work''


''Wow! That truly hit the mark, and this comment is to say thanks!''


''I have been lurking around here for quite sometime but i havent made a comment, just thought i would say hello''


''Hi to you all, I like this project in this web site, you are standing up with spectacular things! This web site is much interesting! My name is Rosen, from Berlin, so I will be a fan of this web page, My interests may not be in the best interest of everyone but I will tell them anyway I love swimming as well as tv shows, and I also listen a lot Radiohead on my parties, I´m single now so boys watch out for me....just kidding :)! I already tried online dating It did not work out very well.''


Fascinating...

Monday, 10 October 2011

If You've Got the Shirt I've Got The Trousers...


I couldn't help smile this evening. My brother came round and we were talking about horse racing and specifically the garish fashion displayed by a certain trainer on the Norfolk coast. I said I had won a few quid laying Tobias Coles' two-year-old Sky Blue in the 1:40 Yarmouth. His bay filly made her debut at the three-day meeting we attended in September and couldn't help but notice he wore the brightest red trousers. I mentioned that he was wearing the same bright red cords today as he walked his charge around the paddock.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Mr Anonymous... (What are you saying...)

Update - read the latter part of the post... 

I have been smiling since I looked at my comments (and posted this one quick march). Mr Anonymous left me a comment, which I have to share with you. This is what my comedy partner said:


hi jason are you the one in the middle with the fetching sweep over the eye hair style.;)i expect neil is out of the shot picking up the semi colon you dropped from your texts ealier !





I particularly like the comment about Neil, who you may have noted in my comments regarding the Racing Ahead post.

This is my reply to Mr Anonymous and my defence of Neil, who I feel may be filing a liable case after this...


lol


I must admit your comment made me smile so much. That is just my type of humour. Brilliant. Sadly, that isn't me with the hair sweep over the eye. I agree it is a fetching, man-about-town look. However, I am so much better looking...lol. Yes, Neil, well, where do I start...he was out of the picture (like you say) and by the end of the shoot he had a bucket full of commas, missing full stops, and semi colons aplenty. I told him to go and look for some brackets as we need a shelf to put all of our comedy awards.



:-)

Update: As you may have gathered, the HCE banner wasn't our very own High Class Equine Fanclub. I found the photo on the internet. I have tracked down the article or whatever it is (because I cannot read the language) and pasted it below. We have the opportunity to learn something here...lol. Well, I think the language is German. I will post it below. This is the handy part. I have uploaded a translator widget so it may be possible to actually read what the presentation of the HCE banner meant. :-) (HAVE FUN)

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

I thought I was seeing things - double vision - when I noticed that Steve Mullington   made reference to a blog he found of a very similar name to the popular blog Green All Over

This what Steve said:

Have you seen this link: http://greedallover.blogspot.com


Just found it in the O'Dwyer blog roll.

Cassini replied:


Indeed I have. I saw it a couple of days ago, and while imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I shall be consulting with my lawyers next week and issuing a cease and desist order shortly although I may accept a large cash payment instead. Pending receipt of the large payment, I have added the blog to my blog roll.

Take a look at  Greed All Over

I'm waiting for someone to start a blog called PIGH CLASS EQUINE. (Although I've never been keen on French cuisine)

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

The sounds of the Betfair jungle...


From the chirps of a successful trade to the chainsaw sound of dreaded 1.01 loser. The lyre bird sings the blues
(click to view)