Thursday, 27 January 2011

Anagram generator picks winner?

Anagram's Nap - Kauto Star

Like a gambling addict mesmerized by the flashing lights on a fruit machine it draws me back for more. But this is all wrong. Unnatural. Surely an anagram generator shouldn't be this much fun? But with each revelation I hit the jackpot.

I never appreciated words could be so interesting until I started playing with this witty wordsmith. At the touch of a few keys it's like bumping into Alan Carr. It's akin to the magician pulling a rabbit from a hat but this has a fancy for rhinos, fruit bats fighting over a banana and I'm sure I've seen that meer cat somewhere before.

It doesn't just like animals, either. Just for fun I typed in Bruce Forsyth. I get the feeling he must have been playing with the anagram generator yesterday morning, before he announced his shock retirement at the National Television Awards. His jokes have become a little tired and his quickstep has turned into the anniversary waltz. But I was still surprised at what is said. Calling him a 'bush crofter' seemed a little mean.

After entering a few more names I thought this altered state of reality had something going for it. I quickly typed in  the name Richard Keys - Sky Sports pundit who resigned after making disparaging comments about assistant referee Sian Massey. Well, I daren't say what it told me. Although I have a feeling it is big on feminism.

We have all suffered from many and varied altered states of reality and the anagram generator certainly has a selective view on everything. It's fair to say that after ten pints I am usually seen wearing beer goggles. After twelve pints I don't give a damn if someone steals my specs as I instinctively turn to braille. The 'machine' has a similar frankness and a witty patter that would put the late Kenneth Williams to shame.

Thinking about the Cheltenham Gold Cup I typed in Paul Nicholls. And it called him a 'pin lush local'.

Perhaps the anagram could bring some insight to the race itself.

It blurted out that the Cheltenham Festival was a place of 'flail vehement chats'.

I was hoping it might give me a view on a  lucky punt but it called me a 'plucky nut'.  OK, I thought, a speculative wager, then. It told me I was a 'picture wage slave'. Whatever that means.

Clearly this wizard of words has a few issues.

But what does it say about the horses.

I get a feeling it fancies the chances of Kauto Star as it said it was a 'task a rout'. Unsurprisingly, Denman was simply good old 'Denman'. And it noted that my selection Outside Fancy was in fact a 'tedious fancy'. Its inside information on Imperial Commander is a worry. In fact, I don't feel comfortable conveying its reply. It suggests the favourite is controversially a 'maim, manic deplorer'.

It doesn't sound convincing, hey?

But what of the others?

Diamond Harry was quoted as 'horrid and may...' May do what, I wondered? Just like a good commentator or a John Francome novel, it likes a bit of suspense, but that is only to be expected from something that earlier in the week called trainer Dean Ivory an 'envy radio'.

Quickly running through the other contenders, it called Pandorama 'a mad apron', Pride Of Dulcote the rather cryptic 'cuddlier of poet', Time For Rupert has been mentioned on a 'prettier forum' and retorted that Midnight Chase was 'matching hides'. From that point it became abusive calling Punchestown a 'stench up now', Sizing Europe a 'pig on seizure' and What A Friend 'a daft whiner'.

Clearly it was time leave well alone.

It was a blessing when a message appeared saying: Use of tools uses considerable amounts of resources so we restrict heavy use for non-members. You have just reached the limit. (Tell me about it!) To continue using this tool , please become a member.

I think I had a lucky escape. Although it did have a few final words of wisdom about The Cheltenham Gold Cup. Perhaps this is reference to studying the form? It jeered: 'clenched ample thought'.

Wise words, I think you would agree!