Wicked Comeback Quotes


It doesn't happen very often, but I 've been inspired. Know, it wasn't a bump on the head! It is a meeting of two minds (not mine) or should I say two websites The Portfolio Investor & Free Funny Jokes. After reading both, I can see they compliment each other so it inspired Wicked Comebck Quotes.

You may have read The Portfolio Investor's recent spat with an employee of Fred Done bookmakers over a football goals coupon. 

This is what Rowan said:

I don't know if anyone reading is on Twitter, but I had to laugh today at a tweet that announced that Thommo, he of "Hey there, Big Fella" fame was on his way to a Fred Done shop in Yorkshire today on promotional duties. The tweeter was hoping to meet the "great man"!


Well, I'm not sure about being great, but when it comes to being offensively patronising to anyone that he happens to stick a microphone in front of he certainly has no peer. And after reading the excellent article posted by the High Class Equine blog recently that outlined "Thommo's" far from terrific record as a paid tipster, I just had to chuckle. I hope he doesn't read this blog (don't think so, do you?). As for Fred Done - pfft.


Fred Done wonders why anyone would ever go anywhere else to have a bet. Well, I returned the tweepers tweet, saying that if Thommo was going to a Done shop to have a bet, then he is likely to be wasting his time. Let's face it, everyone knows that you can't take fifty quid off Fred before an online account is closed by the powers that be in Done HQ. But other than the fact that they are a bookie you can't have a bet with (!), I can give Fred another reason as to why I shall never place a wager with his company again.

I always pick up the weekend football coupons from my local William Hill, Coral, and Ladbrokes offices on a Wednesday evening on my way home from work. There are three Fred Done offices between my office and my home. Never though, am I able to pick up a Done coupon from any of them. It seems that on a Wednesday evening, they are still trying to find out what the weekend fixtures are, never mind pricing the games up! I did drop in on them last Thursday however as I happened to be passing. Still, there was no 'Long List' coupon displayed, only a coupon advertising the prices of a certain amount of goals being scored in certain games. Now I think I'm a relatively cheery fella. Certainly I am never less than very polite - manners are free to dispense, after all. So it was with a little surprise that my nicely put request for a coupon (you know, something along the lines of, "Would it be possible to have a weekend football coupon, please?") was met with what can only be described as a withering glare, a nod in the direction of the wrong coupons, and a grunt. OK, I thought, perhaps I'd missed them. I walked back to the display to look again. Definitely not there. I returned to the counter. "Erm, they're not there. The Goals coupons are, not the Long List. Any chance you could print one off?". Well, you would have thought that I had asked this old hag to perform the labours of Hercules such were the mutterings and looks of incredulity that this outlandish request provoked. The 'lady' whose job it was to ensure that the customer is always right slowly raised what can only be described as a backside built for sitting on (full of padding), expelled enough air to extinguish a candle from 50 feet, and quite audibly said, "I don't know what your problem is"!


I snapped. Months of simmering frustration at having my online account closed down after two winning bets, anger at incompetent telephone operators telling me they couldn't find the relevant markets to allow me my bet, and resentment at the constant unavailability of basic football coupons...it all came streaming out in the form of what can only be described as forceful language. And it did so loudly!


When I had finished, there fell over that Done office a hush. It lasted what seemed like quite some time, but was eventually broken by a gentle, tentative almost, "Here, here" from the far corner. Obviously, on this side of the counter, I was amongst allies. Slowly I turned and walked unhurriedly to the door and left. The old bag had had an earful.

I don't suppose she cared.

I think you would agree that it is pure genius. I just wonder what he said? Well, if you are ever in such a position and you need a Wicked Comeback Quote (and I hear they are particularly affective on Fred Done employees) then this selection from Free Funny Jokes might be right up your street.

Top 10

1) When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell.

2) Your birth certificate was an apology from the condom company!

3) The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.


4) It’s impossible to believe that the sperm that created you beat out 1,000,000 others.


5) One for the girls: You may have a “full six-pack” but lack the plastic thing to hold it all together.

6) You set low personal standards and then consistently fail to achieve them.

7) You’re depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

8) You seem to have reached rock bottom and started to dig.

9) Were I king I would not allow you to breed

10) I thought we had an agreement: I do the thinking, you don't.

2 comments:

Mark said...

HiJason

If I can, I would like to add to your list of comeback quotes, with of few that Mrs Patient Speculation usually reserves for me :-(

A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

Alone: In bad company.

And there he was: reigning supreme at number two.

Any friend of yours ... is a friend of yours.

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

Thanks again LOL

Mark

HCE said...

Blimey, I think your Mrs has beaten me to the Free Funny Jokes website. I will have to try and remember a few as so often when you really need a killer comeback - it comes back a couple of hours too late.

All good stuff.

Watch out Fred Done, when Rowan gets hold of these sticks of dynamite he will literally smoke your boots.